Read …em and Live …em
How many books have your read that challenged, inspired and motivated you? Probably quite a few if you consider the sales of self-help and spiritual books in bookstores today. These books are bought with the best intentions and focused interest and often totally read, but then what happens? Often little or nothing. We want to make the changes, incorporate the ideas and fulfill our intentions for reading the book in the first place, then life intervenes and we maintain the status quo or return to the same patterns that moved us to read the book in the first place.Having experienced this myself more times than I can remember and coaching many others with similar experiences, I have learned there are some things that have to happen for us to not only get what these books are sharing but integrate these ideas and strategies into our lives. I call this “reading to living” and it is the power that these great books really hold for readers. Here are some tips for your personal “reading to living” success.1) Take your time in reading the book so that you can underline, comment, or mark important parts that really resonate with you.2) Have a system for setting up the ideas and strategies for application. I personally use a three star system where I mark ideas for their importance and usefulness. Then when I return to the book, these stars tell me where the important parts are that appealed to me in the first place. By labeling many of them, I can quickly determine which ones will help me with my current concern.3) If this sounds like studying the book, it is. Reading a self-help or spiritual book is nice but to live it, you are going to actively engage it. Choose a section or chapter or even a major idea and reflect on its application in your life. How could you use it to make a change or choice, or take an action? If you want to consider it more, write it in a journal or notebook and make comments on the page itself. Return to it again and reflect and consider it again.4) When a situation is a negative or disappointing experience, return to the book and thumb through it to a part that speaks to you ( it will) and reread it. That means that you need to keep the book near by or even carry it with you. I always have books around me for just this reason and that includes carrying them with me if there is any chance I will be doing some waiting.5) Finally, discuss the book, its concepts and strategies with others. This helps you consider them at a deeper level. In your sharing you will gain a better understanding and a possible deeper application. Discussing the book with someone who knows the book well and how to apply is even better.”Reading to Living” has become my favorite type of coaching where I collaborate with clients to apply some of the best books available that are true “life-changers.”There are some amazing books available today and new ones appear regularly. If you have some favorites that you have wanted to apply, follow the steps above and get back to them. If you want a partner than can speed up the process for you and especially the ease of application, contact me. I would love to coach you through them to help you make the profound impact they have made for me and many of my clients.Are you ready to stop collecting a great library and have a library that is rich and useful in your life? My library is and I hope these tips will get you started in changing your library to a “reading to living one” too.P.S. Some of my favorites and the ones I love to coach include: The Four Agreements including the new Fifth Agreement, The Power of Now, A New Earth, Loving What Is, The Book of Secrets, The Power of Intention, and others. Do you have one that you want us to go through together?
The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
I don’t usually review fiction books but this one is different. First of all, it is the follow-up to The DaVinci Code, a book that millions of people loved including me. Second, it is set in Washington D.C. and brings in a lot of American history in this historic place. And third, it revolves around the science and research into the mind and how the discovery of the connection between thought and action is so powerful. All three aspects of the book not only appealed to me, but captivated me. I read the book in a week because I had a hard time leaving it alone.
Should you read it?
If you love a good story with really interesting characters and a lot of twists - this book has these in spades. If you are interested in how we use our thoughts to create, and the power such a connection could hold, Dan Brown has done a good job of weaving it through this story. When you finish the book, you will have had quite an exciting journey and learned some things along the way. That are always the qualities of a book worth reading and this one is.
I am currently reading quite a few books and will be sharing them shortly. Let me know if you have one to suggest I consider. Books are like flowers, they just keep appearing everyday and keeping up with them is not easy but well worth it, just like the flowers.
Nothing is Permanent
Last week while working with the University of Utah volleyball team in Las Vegas, I was involved in a traffic accident. In forty years of driving this was my first accident that I had caused. It was an interesting experience, not because it was new or surprising (it was that) but because of how I felt about it and especially as I think about it now.
First, it was an experience in the Zone, something I regularly talk about with athletes and performers. Within that few seconds I responded to what was happening with efficiency and clarity. For example, had I not turned the car away from the car coming at me, I could have been killed. Instead, the other driver hit me just behind the driver’s side of the car, sparing me from the direct force of the collision. Additionally, when I came to a stop up on the sidewalk, I found myself within two feet of a large utility pole which had I hit it directly could have killed me as well. Climbing out the other side of the car with only a bump on my head where I hit the side window, I felt relieved and fortunate. My wonderful car however, was totaled.
The second distinctive part of the experience was what happened next and later. As I moved through the process with the police, the insurance company (State Farm was fabulous and took care of it all so nicely), and the towing etc., I had a couple of hours to stand on a corner that appeared only to be frequented by the homeless. A couple blocks east of the Las Vegas strip, it was not a place I would have ever been spending time. All I could do was wait, answer questions, make phone calls, but mostly stand and look at my poor Maxine Maxima. After ten years together, I didn’t expect, plan or even consider that this is how it would end. It was more sad that anything and I grieved for the loss of Maxine. (You do have a name for your car,don’t you?)
Then and now I was reminded of the impermanence of everything. Yes, this was a car, but our relationships, our work, our environments; none of it is permanent. When we get attached to the permanence of it (an illusion), it is easy to live in fear of losing it, which inevitably we will. When we remember that nothing is permanent and fully accept that, we are free to enjoy, love, and appreciate it for however long it is in our experience. That is how I felt about Maxine and now I feel a small sense of loss but mostly just appreciation and gratitude.
I no longer have a car and I am totally OK with that. I have no plans to purchase one anytime soon because I can walk, ride my bike, or borrow a vehicle to get anywhere I need to go. Of course, I realize by working from my home that it is much easier for me. I feel a sense of calm and presence with where I am and have not even considered the “what if” of it or a “should” in any form. I haven’t been without a car since I was in college and it feels like that is where I am supposed to be.
This experience has been a confirmation at so many levels of being in the present, being grateful, trusting what happens and will happen, how our thoughts determine our experiences, and especially how little (if any) control we have over anything. This accident was not to teach me that but to remind me of that.
Next time you worry, fret or fear the loss of anything, remember that nothing is permanent and whatever happens is an opportunity for you to be present, be grateful, and join the flow. When we let go of attachment, we find freedom - it is that simple.
How the Mind Works
The mind is both my speciality and my curiosity. Nothing is more fascinating nor more powerful than the mind and how we use it to direct our lives and experiences. I continue to learn about it and share what I am learning in concepts and strategies that provide a more conscious and effective way of using the mind to make changes, improve performances, or heal our bodies. Currently, I am studying the newest research the effects of thought on cellular activity and especially the elasticity or capacity of the brain to change. More on that later. For now, I wanted to share my final Mind Tips newsletter message about how the mind works.
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After years of research, teaching and conversations, I have concluded there are three basics the mind always uses. Knowing how your mind works provides clues to why and how you are having your current experiences and how you can change your experiences in the future. Consider any challenge or problem you are facing, find what your mind is doing below and you will know how to use your mind to get a solution or resolution by either reversing what the mind is doing or using the same concept in a more effective way.
• A thought is a possibility with a repeated thought a probability, and a continuously felt and focused thought an inevitability. Thoughts matter. Think about what is wanted or not wanted and you will get.
• The mind cannot be controlled nor ignored. It is the center of operation for our feelings, behaviors, and choices. It can be taught, changed, and made a partner but only if you know what it is doing and what you want it to do.
• The mind relies on perception and the interpretations that follow to affirm or defend the mind’s reality and truth. Change the interpretations (beliefs, meanings, fears) and change automatically follows.
These are the three mind basics that are constant and consistent each day for each of us. How are they directing your experiences and how can you use them to expand or redirect those experiences?
©2009 Dr. Jane Miner - PERSONAL Solutions. For more information or support for your personal solutions contact me at jane@janeminer.com. May be reprinted with this attribution fully intact.
Thank You From the Desert
I wanted to thank the many of you that have e-mailed me about the final issues of my four newsletters. All of you have been kind and appreciative of the messages and the efforts to share information for your personal solutions. I have been writing the newsletters for ten years which has helped me be a better writer and a more succinct thinker. For that I am grateful and so appreciative of the support of the thousands who have invited me to share with them. However, the newsletters have also required a lot of time to write, design, and deliver; time that I now need for new directions. The efficiency of this blog though will allow me to provide more information and strategies in less time and make it more timely. Plus, you will be able to comment, ask questions and provide feedback, which is a big bonus.
If you are new to my blog, welcome. If you are a trusted friend from my newsletters, also welcome and thank you. Please share the web address of the blog with your friends, colleagues and family members. I would appreciate it as together we can make the blog come alive while providing a unique and very personal resource. This was and is my intention.
Finally, I as I look out the window of my office/library, I am watching two hummingbirds spar for the territory of the hummingbird feeder which is placed less than three feet from the window. I love hummingbirds because they are so capable and their potential so awesome relative to their small bodies. For example, did you know they are the only bird that can fly backwards? They remind me that all of us have unlimited potential and relative to our physical capacity our potential is even more awesome and endless. If you are not experiencing your full potential maybe you have been flying backwards too much.:))
I will also be sharing my experiences in the desert and what this amazing and very much alive place on the planet continues to teach me. I hope to include pictures so you can join me there as well. So from the hot desert (109 today) I thank you and look forward to our connection in the future. Jane
Handling Distractions
Distractions are always the biggest threat to our success in situations, performances, and interactions. Distractions get in the way of what we are doing by taking us out of being present, blocking information, and keeping us from making appropriate responses. How we handle distractions determines what happens next and eventually how successful we can be in every experience.
The most disruptive distractions can be assigned to three categories: people, thoughts, or things. People become distractions when we focus on what they are doing or not doing rather than what we are doing. Our thoughts become distractions when we look for meanings, hold expectations, or are fearful. Distracting things include objects in a meeting room, crowds at an athletic competition, or a room that is too hot or cold.
To handle distractions quickly and effectively gently redirect focus to what is in front of you and can be done right now. Fighting with or trying to ignore distractions only guarantees the mind’s focus on them. Since the mind follows focus, redirecting focus automatically changes focus. For example, if your thoughts are on what you fear, you need only redirect focus to what you desire. When an object captures your focus, shift your view to the task before you and how you can do the task, which eliminates the distracting object from your focus.
By redirecting focus you handle distractions by instantaneously changing focus to what is informational and useful in an experience. When that new focus is on the people, thoughts, and things that lead to success, you are well on your way to effectively doing what you intended and making appropriate responses that will lead to success.
©2009 Dr. Jane Miner - PERSONAL Solutions. For more information or support for your personal solutions contact me at jane@janeminer.com. May be reprinted with this attribution fully intact.
Air It Out - Use Your Breathing
Many people read books or attend seminars to learn how to manage their stress and reduce the negative stress responses. I use a simple technique with athletes that can be useful to anyone to get started in reducing anxiety and refocusing for an effective response. I use this technique daily and a starting place and always found it useful. Try it out and see how it works for you.
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No matter how frustrated, confused, or angry you are, you can change your mental state by airing it out! The more you focus on your feelings the more time and energy they consume, usually intensifying. A simple shift in focus can stop the momentum of feelings, allowing you to refocus on what you can do and doing it. This simple shift is accomplished using your breathing. Try this:
Take three deep breaths (diaphragm) and slowly exhale the air you have inhaled. As you exhale, listen to the air crossing your lips and feel the warmth it contains. By the third exhalation you will feel yourself calming and relaxing.
The combination of the focus on the breathing and the sound and temperature of the air will interrupt the fears, thoughts, and feelings coming from your mind. This simple interruption diverts your mind, giving you a moment to refocus and to better assess the current situation.
If after the three breaths the frustration, confusion, and anger continue to build something more may be needed. Remove yourself, take a time-out or take a walk, to interrupt your mental state. Find a quiet place and air it out again but longer, up to five minutes if needed. Take relaxed and comfortable breaths as you continue to keep your mind’s focus on the exhalations.
Continuing in a mental state of frustration, confusion and anger will not yield positive or sensible responses. Use the “airing it out” technique to create a state where you can regroup mentally and make choices and responses that will get a better result or resolution. With practice the technique gets easier and eventually becomes automatic. It is a simple and effective technique with a powerful effect.
©2009 Dr. Jane Miner - PERSONAL Solutions. For more information or support for your personal solutions contact me at jane@janeminer.com. May be reprinted with this attribution fully intact.
Avoiding Failure is Avoiding Success
I am currently writing material and strategies for what I call the New Success Paradigm. This positive approach to success is effective and makes experiencing personal potential so much easier. I will be sharing the concepts and strategies here in different ways as I finish up the complete presentation. To get started here is an introduction to the difference between failure and success that I believe gives an idea of where I am going with this new paradigm.
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When we look at success and failure as opposites, we usually end up seeking success and avoiding failure. The result is we experience neither, as the powerful avoidance of failure can prevent taking risks and even paralyze our efforts to increase success. If we weren’t avoiding failure, success would be easier and more attainable.
Imagine a line with two end points and a number of points in between the end points. On one end is failure or what would I call limited success. On the other end is absolute success or the maximum use of capabilities. The points in between are all the possible results you can obtain from practicing and using skills, executing strategies, or taking risks. All experiences, performances, and applied efforts are also points along this line. These points represent different levels of success - none are failures.
The truth about failure is that the only way you can fail is not to participate or learn. The only way you cannot experience more success is to avoid effort and experiences leading to success. Technically then, you cannot fail. Doing something is not failure, only more or less successful than what you did before.
When the meaning of your actions and efforts are viewed as points along a continuum of success, you can take chances. Learn what does not work, and focus on what will work. Then your success increases with every action, effort, and improvement. Evaluate each experience with a question,”What will move me to the next point of success?” By answering this question and taking another action, failure will not be a possibility so avoiding it unnecessary as success and more success awaits you.
©2009 Dr. Jane Miner - PERSONAL Solutions. For more information or support for your personal solutions contact me at jane@janeminer.com. May be reprinted with this attribution fully intact.
It is an Act of Courage to Live the Plan for Your Life
What path are you on in your life, work and relationships?When you are on the path intended for you and provided to you by your unique life plan, certain experiences become inherent along that path. Knowing these experiences helps you to know how to navigate them and to maximize their possibilities. In The Guide: Knowing the Plan for Your Life, the first experiences of following your plan and living on the path it directs will be “an act of courage.” This is especially important in a world that wants you to be who the world says you and everyone else should be. It is an egoic world that is easy to get sucked into and make your reality.
Knowing your life plan and following it creates a “new reality;” the reality of the true you and who you were intended to be. To stay in your “new reality” when the “egoic reality” tugs and pushes takes a focused courage and a continuing courage.
This is not the traditional type of courage defined as bravely confronting difficulty or danger and making sacrifices in the face of opposition. Rather, this is the “courage of your convictions,” where your convictions are grounded in love and joy. This is the courage to be the real you, not the egoic you.
The real you knows the meaning of living your purpose in the service of the world. You have the courage of knowing your gifts and how to use them to share your vision in your work and interactions. The courage to be you is all you can be, no matter how many people question, doubt, or dismiss the real you.
Whether alone or in a group, your choices and behavior are congruent with who you are, even when it may seem to disadvantage you. In the long run you know that the best and right choices are the only ones you can make, and the results of those choices confirm your courage.
This act of courage, of being true to yourself and your purpose, in time ceases being an act and becomes a part of who you are and how others know your vision and purpose through your courage. They will wonder and even ask how you remain so true, especially in light of the push and pull to be what the world wants you to be. It will be easy and you will tell them it is easy when you know the truth about yourself and how you were intended to be. You will become courage itself and being the courage will give you confidence and a powerful knowing reassurance to handle everything with ease and love.
Is it time to know and follow your plan? Is it time to experience and become the courage your plan provides?
The process for exploring and discovering your personal life plan is provided in The Guide: Knowing the Plan for Your Life. To purchase your copy please e-mail me at jane@janeminer.com. ©2009 Dr. Jane Miner - PERSONAL Solutions. For more information or support for your personal solutions contact me at jane@janeminer.com. May be reprinted with this attribution fully intact.
Afraid of What? Common Unrealistic Fears
A popular book I read some years ago titled Who Moved My Cheese, asked a provocative question: “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” I have often asked this question of my clients and myself when we were looking to move forward in life. Being afraid is the biggest barrier we have to change, happiness, trust, success and most importantly experiencing our potential. What are we afraid of?Being afraid is a self-protecting response we use mentally to warn us of potential threats or danger. However, most of the time our fear does little more than provide evidence for false perceptions and confirmation for negativity in previous experiences or thoughts. As such it becomes the gatekeeper of our comfort zone. In our comfort zone is that which is familiar: dramatic relationships, routines or habits, assumptions, expectations, and limiting beliefs. Comfortably stuck in the same place we were yesterday, we want to believe today is new, yet we continue to be stuck repeating yesterday. Our comfort zone has a high cost: little forward movement, indifference to change, and distancing from our true self and the life we were intended to live.
What would you do if you were no longer afraid? Who would you be if your limitations were no longer self-imposed? What could you achieve if your actions came from who you really are rather than the person others want you to be? The answers to these questions and the secret to reducing or eliminating fear is always the same - action.
The first action is to embrace and accept your fears rather than avoid them. Accept that you are afraid for a reason; what is the reason? Ask yourself these questions:
• What would happen if I …?
• What do I want to happen next?
• What actions will get me what I want?
The second action is to change your language. Instead of describing the situation in terms of the past or the future, describe it to yourself and others in the present. For example, instead of “if I stand up for myself, I could lose my job, ” think of it instead as, “I deserve to be treated respectfully, I can find another job,”
The third action is to say it all out loud. When you hear yourself saying what you fear, it is much easier to see what you want and what to do. Saying it takes it out of unconscious feeling and into conscious awareness. A fear named and seen is a fear that can be acted upon.
The fourth action is to visualize yourself doing what you want. Most often you have visualized yourself being fearful or in the feared situation. That was the evidence that gave your fear legitimacy and power. Now by visualizing what you want and can do, the evidence shifts to supporting your desires that can motivate you into action. If you can visualize it, you can do it.
While it is the first reaction of the mind to be afraid to avoid taking risks, taking action to challenge and move past your fears gives you the freedom to be who you are and live your life based on possibilities and your potential. It is to live a life of love not fear
Common Unrealistic Fears
Being afraid is fed by some common unrealistic fears. Whatever your thoughts, perceptions, and interpretations of the day’s experiences, these unrealistic fears provide an uneasiness even when we are being successful and enjoying experiences. Are you afraid of…?
1. Not Being Good Enough - This is the number one fear for most people and requires a comparison to others to form a false standard of achievement we believe we have to reach. The reality is that you can only be your best, not someone else’s.
2. Being Weak – This one feeds our self-doubt by having us believe we are not strong enough to face challenges and conquer them. The reality is that you are strong and you can do anything if you give yourself permission to take risks.
3. Being Vulnerable – You have to trust other people’s opinions and judgments more than you know about yourself to have this fear. The reality is that no one can hurt you without this fear that they can and will.
4. Being Unlovable - Love is in the eye of the beholder. The reality is that if you find the people who appreciate you and love themselves, they will love you too. Oh, and that part about being lovable, you have love yourself first.
5. Failing – No action is the only way you can fail. Besides it is another comparison of what you should be able to do that is beyond your control. The reality is that if you act you will succeed at some level.
What makes these fears unrealistic? They are rarely based on facts and most often come from conditioning and perception. Keep your focus on what is real as indicated above and these fears will lose their grip on you.
©2009 Dr. Jane Miner - PERSONAL Solutions. For more information or support for your personal solutions contact me at jane@janeminer.com. May be reprinted with this attribution fully intact.
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