Nothing is Permanent
Last week while working with the University of Utah volleyball team in Las Vegas, I was involved in a traffic accident. In forty years of driving this was my first accident that I had caused. It was an interesting experience, not because it was new or surprising (it was that) but because of how I felt about it and especially as I think about it now.
First, it was an experience in the Zone, something I regularly talk about with athletes and performers. Within that few seconds I responded to what was happening with efficiency and clarity. For example, had I not turned the car away from the car coming at me, I could have been killed. Instead, the other driver hit me just behind the driver’s side of the car, sparing me from the direct force of the collision. Additionally, when I came to a stop up on the sidewalk, I found myself within two feet of a large utility pole which had I hit it directly could have killed me as well. Climbing out the other side of the car with only a bump on my head where I hit the side window, I felt relieved and fortunate. My wonderful car however, was totaled.
The second distinctive part of the experience was what happened next and later. As I moved through the process with the police, the insurance company (State Farm was fabulous and took care of it all so nicely), and the towing etc., I had a couple of hours to stand on a corner that appeared only to be frequented by the homeless. A couple blocks east of the Las Vegas strip, it was not a place I would have ever been spending time. All I could do was wait, answer questions, make phone calls, but mostly stand and look at my poor Maxine Maxima. After ten years together, I didn’t expect, plan or even consider that this is how it would end. It was more sad that anything and I grieved for the loss of Maxine. (You do have a name for your car,don’t you?)
Then and now I was reminded of the impermanence of everything. Yes, this was a car, but our relationships, our work, our environments; none of it is permanent. When we get attached to the permanence of it (an illusion), it is easy to live in fear of losing it, which inevitably we will. When we remember that nothing is permanent and fully accept that, we are free to enjoy, love, and appreciate it for however long it is in our experience. That is how I felt about Maxine and now I feel a small sense of loss but mostly just appreciation and gratitude.
I no longer have a car and I am totally OK with that. I have no plans to purchase one anytime soon because I can walk, ride my bike, or borrow a vehicle to get anywhere I need to go. Of course, I realize by working from my home that it is much easier for me. I feel a sense of calm and presence with where I am and have not even considered the “what if” of it or a “should” in any form. I haven’t been without a car since I was in college and it feels like that is where I am supposed to be.
This experience has been a confirmation at so many levels of being in the present, being grateful, trusting what happens and will happen, how our thoughts determine our experiences, and especially how little (if any) control we have over anything. This accident was not to teach me that but to remind me of that.
Next time you worry, fret or fear the loss of anything, remember that nothing is permanent and whatever happens is an opportunity for you to be present, be grateful, and join the flow. When we let go of attachment, we find freedom - it is that simple.
Air It Out - Use Your Breathing
Many people read books or attend seminars to learn how to manage their stress and reduce the negative stress responses. I use a simple technique with athletes that can be useful to anyone to get started in reducing anxiety and refocusing for an effective response. I use this technique daily and a starting place and always found it useful. Try it out and see how it works for you.
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No matter how frustrated, confused, or angry you are, you can change your mental state by airing it out! The more you focus on your feelings the more time and energy they consume, usually intensifying. A simple shift in focus can stop the momentum of feelings, allowing you to refocus on what you can do and doing it. This simple shift is accomplished using your breathing. Try this:
Take three deep breaths (diaphragm) and slowly exhale the air you have inhaled. As you exhale, listen to the air crossing your lips and feel the warmth it contains. By the third exhalation you will feel yourself calming and relaxing.
The combination of the focus on the breathing and the sound and temperature of the air will interrupt the fears, thoughts, and feelings coming from your mind. This simple interruption diverts your mind, giving you a moment to refocus and to better assess the current situation.
If after the three breaths the frustration, confusion, and anger continue to build something more may be needed. Remove yourself, take a time-out or take a walk, to interrupt your mental state. Find a quiet place and air it out again but longer, up to five minutes if needed. Take relaxed and comfortable breaths as you continue to keep your mind’s focus on the exhalations.
Continuing in a mental state of frustration, confusion and anger will not yield positive or sensible responses. Use the “airing it out” technique to create a state where you can regroup mentally and make choices and responses that will get a better result or resolution. With practice the technique gets easier and eventually becomes automatic. It is a simple and effective technique with a powerful effect.
©2009 Dr. Jane Miner - PERSONAL Solutions. For more information or support for your personal solutions contact me at jane@janeminer.com. May be reprinted with this attribution fully intact.