Afraid of What? Common Unrealistic Fears
A popular book I read some years ago titled Who Moved My Cheese, asked a provocative question: “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” I have often asked this question of my clients and myself when we were looking to move forward in life. Being afraid is the biggest barrier we have to change, happiness, trust, success and most importantly experiencing our potential. What are we afraid of?Being afraid is a self-protecting response we use mentally to warn us of potential threats or danger. However, most of the time our fear does little more than provide evidence for false perceptions and confirmation for negativity in previous experiences or thoughts. As such it becomes the gatekeeper of our comfort zone. In our comfort zone is that which is familiar: dramatic relationships, routines or habits, assumptions, expectations, and limiting beliefs. Comfortably stuck in the same place we were yesterday, we want to believe today is new, yet we continue to be stuck repeating yesterday. Our comfort zone has a high cost: little forward movement, indifference to change, and distancing from our true self and the life we were intended to live.
What would you do if you were no longer afraid? Who would you be if your limitations were no longer self-imposed? What could you achieve if your actions came from who you really are rather than the person others want you to be? The answers to these questions and the secret to reducing or eliminating fear is always the same - action.
The first action is to embrace and accept your fears rather than avoid them. Accept that you are afraid for a reason; what is the reason? Ask yourself these questions:
• What would happen if I …?
• What do I want to happen next?
• What actions will get me what I want?
The second action is to change your language. Instead of describing the situation in terms of the past or the future, describe it to yourself and others in the present. For example, instead of “if I stand up for myself, I could lose my job, ” think of it instead as, “I deserve to be treated respectfully, I can find another job,”
The third action is to say it all out loud. When you hear yourself saying what you fear, it is much easier to see what you want and what to do. Saying it takes it out of unconscious feeling and into conscious awareness. A fear named and seen is a fear that can be acted upon.
The fourth action is to visualize yourself doing what you want. Most often you have visualized yourself being fearful or in the feared situation. That was the evidence that gave your fear legitimacy and power. Now by visualizing what you want and can do, the evidence shifts to supporting your desires that can motivate you into action. If you can visualize it, you can do it.
While it is the first reaction of the mind to be afraid to avoid taking risks, taking action to challenge and move past your fears gives you the freedom to be who you are and live your life based on possibilities and your potential. It is to live a life of love not fear
Common Unrealistic Fears
Being afraid is fed by some common unrealistic fears. Whatever your thoughts, perceptions, and interpretations of the day’s experiences, these unrealistic fears provide an uneasiness even when we are being successful and enjoying experiences. Are you afraid of…?
1. Not Being Good Enough - This is the number one fear for most people and requires a comparison to others to form a false standard of achievement we believe we have to reach. The reality is that you can only be your best, not someone else’s.
2. Being Weak – This one feeds our self-doubt by having us believe we are not strong enough to face challenges and conquer them. The reality is that you are strong and you can do anything if you give yourself permission to take risks.
3. Being Vulnerable – You have to trust other people’s opinions and judgments more than you know about yourself to have this fear. The reality is that no one can hurt you without this fear that they can and will.
4. Being Unlovable - Love is in the eye of the beholder. The reality is that if you find the people who appreciate you and love themselves, they will love you too. Oh, and that part about being lovable, you have love yourself first.
5. Failing – No action is the only way you can fail. Besides it is another comparison of what you should be able to do that is beyond your control. The reality is that if you act you will succeed at some level.
What makes these fears unrealistic? They are rarely based on facts and most often come from conditioning and perception. Keep your focus on what is real as indicated above and these fears will lose their grip on you.
©2009 Dr. Jane Miner - PERSONAL Solutions. For more information or support for your personal solutions contact me at jane@janeminer.com. May be reprinted with this attribution fully intact.